8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
