On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
