bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
