she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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