dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
