she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You don't make any sense
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