So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
