I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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