She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
