I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
