everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
