girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
