Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize