The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
