i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
