just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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