NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
