Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
