even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
