three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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