God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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