I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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