Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
