Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
