we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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