If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize