its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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