My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
