i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
