i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
