Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
