you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Alive.
So much puke
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
