well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
