there's paper in my vomit.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
