I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
