Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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