Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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