whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
