and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
