I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
