Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
