Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
