Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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