brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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