guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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