So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
