Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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