i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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