no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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