Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
