today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
