Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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