I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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