Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
