not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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