Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
