I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
