Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
