Acid is not a monday night drug
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
