On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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