I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
