bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
