i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
