When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
