oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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