I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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