So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
