you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
