i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
