Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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