I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
